Intoxicated Ramblings
by Shuichi Saito
Summary: A trip to the shops ends with Simon not only helping a very drunk and very weepy Alec back to the Institute; but also offering the Shadowhunter some much needed relationship advice. Simon/Alec friendship and Malec relationship.


**Internet was down and I needed to entertain myself; so I wrote a little MI ficlet. I love Simon/Alec friendship and unfortunately there aren't many fanfics like that out there, so I decided to contribute my part. Don't worry though, it's simply Simon/Alec friendship and no romance, it also contains Malec though.**

I hope you like it

(By the way, this isn't set in a particular timeframe, but it is set before Alec and Magnus broke up – just wanted to say this to avoid confusion. No serious plotline, just a bit of fun. 

*(Intoxicated Ramblings)*

Alexander doesn't like the word _'drunk', _it makes him think of young youths who think they're all high and mighty because they can handle drinking a bottle of shady looking alcohol. But now, as he stumbles over a loose slab on the path, drunk doesn't even begin to describe the state he's in. Words like wasted, intoxicated and shit-faced cross through his mind but they're quickly gone as he wobbles dangerously and nearly falls into the road. He gags a little at the acidic taste in his mouth and for more than once in the evening he thinks he shouldn't have drunk the numerous glasses of possibly illegal alcohol the guy behind the bar offered him.

_Stupid Magnus. Stupid Magnus with his sparkly hair and tight Gucci jeans and bitchyness and just…ugh._

"He's an asshole!" He declared angrily to a passing couple, they look at him with alarm and walk around him in such a deliberate manner it makes him chortle; like they're trying to avoid a rabid dog. They were dressed like they'd just come from the nearby club, the woman wearing tight clothes with hemlines so dangerously revealing that Alec felt tempted to give her $20 to buy a shirt that fitted correctly "Don't trust the glitter! It's a disguise to hide the demon inside" He called after them; he needed to warn the general public about the evil Warlock.

"Alec?" A masculine –and slightly familiar - voice called from behind him and Alec turned so fiercely he saw stars and wobbled. The man darted forward and clutched his arm tightly, pulling him back to his feet "Whoa there. Are you by yourself?"

"I'm alone! I walk the streets like an ally cat searching for a cardboard box. I'm all alone, all by myself-" He paused "Don't wanna be all by myselfff" He began in a terribly off-key version of Eric Carmen's power ballad. If the black haired teen wasn't waving his arms drunkenly around as he got into the chorus, the other might have found it terribly amusing. He then hit a rather high note.

"Alec, please stop before my brain implodes"

"Whoareyou?" Alec murmured, and he squinted his blue eyes into narrow slits to see through the hazy fog surrounding him "Are you one of the minions?"

"What?" The guy coughed, there were a few seconds of awkward silence before the human-shaped blur spoke again "I don't know what you're going on about. But it's me, Simon"

"Simon Cowell?" Alec pursed his lips "Don't take offense or anything Simon, but I only watched X-Factor because Magnus made me, and I think you judge people too harshly-" He waved the half-empty liquor bottle in Simon's direction "You need to take a serious chill pill Simon and chillax. I bet you can't even sing"

"What-no! It's me, Simon Lewis. You know, your sister's boyfriend"

"Oh" Alec hummed, then his eyes flickered from Simon's face to something in the distance "I can see them Simon" he whispered quietly as he clutched the front of Simon's coat tightly. His eyes following the imaginary things that were obviously hovering behind Simon.

"Alec, back to me" Simon interrupted. He swiftly waved his hand in front of the others face to focus his attention "You're wasted Alec, you need to get back home"

"What's the point!" Alec cried out, he stumbled back from Simon and waved the bottle around again; some of the liquid sloshed out and splattered across the pavement "I'm just a little blip on the surface of the earth, a mere organism without a purpose. I'm going to die and decay until I'm worm food"

"Trust you to get all philosophical when you're drunk" Simon mumbled under his breath, with a sigh he wrapped an arm around Alec's torso -which was beyond awkward because he was sure it was breaking some sort of unwritten 'Bro Code' agreement- before patting his side in a comforting manner. Simon noticed there was an array of coloured glitter in his tousled hair and his coat was buttoned up incorrectly, like it has been put on in haste "Come on dude, let's get you home"

"I want to see the sea" Came to the troubled reply "But I'm scared that the fish will be jealous of my superior swimming skills"

Simon merely nodded and tried to herd Alec in the general direction of the institute "Why are you out this time of night?" He asked as they passed a deserted playground at the end of the street. During the day it was teeming with squealing children but now, at 3:30am, there was nothing but the distant sound of grating metal as the swings swung gently in the brisk wind.

"Ididn'tdrinkmuch" Alec slurred, he wobbled again and Simon tightened his hold on him "Jus' wanted something to take away the pain. Whatcha doing out?"

"Kyle's got the flu and wanted me to grab some paracetamol from the 24hour" Simon sighed, but after a moments silence he spoke up again "Is there trouble with Magnus?"

"Magnus is Judas. He speaks nothing but lies" Alec proclaimed with a loud hiss. He turned in Simon's grip and fixed him with a determined glare "LIES!"

"Hush hush, you're going to wake people" Simon said "So you two had an argument and you decided it would be good to drown your sorrows in alcohol – I must admit I would have expected something like this from Jace but not you"

"Magnus said we should take a break" Alec hiccupped and _oh shit_, not only was Simon going to have to deal with a heartbroken Alec but also a crying Alec. It was like something out of some kind of freaky horror movie where the main protagonist got possessed. But in Alec's case he was possessed by a weepy 12year old girl, not a vengeful spirit. "He said I needed to be committed to the relationship and stop hiding him from people. I don't do thatttt. I can't just go around telling people I like dick"

Simon grimaced "Okay dude, too much information"

"I LIKE DIC-"

"Seriously, just shut up. You're annoying as heck when you're wasted" Simon demanded, hand clamped over Alec's mouth. He noticed a woman in a nearby house pull the curtains aside and peer out, looking at them with worry. Simon hoped nobody was going to call the police.

"Look Alec, I'm no genius in the relationship department but your sis can be kind of a bitch when she wants to be; you just have to deal with it and apologise because in most cases she's being a bitch because I did something wrong. Moral of the story is maybe you should talk to Magnus…" He trailed off and glanced at Alec who stared up at him as is he was the next messiah "But I think you should do that when you're more sober. Magnus is an okay guy and you two will sort it out, you always do. But I do think you should maybe think about being more open about your relationship"

"You said a lot of words" Alec acknowledged, Simon wanted to weep in relief when he saw the familiar sight of the institute.

"Are you Edward?" Alec started suddenly. Upon getting a confused look from Simon he continued on with his train of thought "That sparkly vampire dude. You're a vampire, right – oh god! Are you going to lure me into your lair before draining me of my blood and sacrificing my corpse to the almighty lord. Please don't, I'm too young to die and I'm pretty sure my blood tastes like coffee"

"Simon?" Came a sleep-hazed voice "Alec?"

"Jace, I've come to return some missing property"

Jace groaned and rubbed his eyes, the loose fabric of his sleepware looked like they did nothing against the cold air since goosebumps began to rise on the blonde's arms "What the heck is happening? I could hear you guys a mile off"

"I found your brother meandering down the streets and wailing something about demons and glitter. I'm pretty sure his blood alcohol levels are startling" Simon answered, he stopped at the entrance to the Institute and gently pushed Alec in Jace's direction. Alec grabbed onto Jace's dressing gown and promptly began muttering something about sporks.

"Wow, he's really out of it. He's meant to be staying over at Magnus's though" Jace hummed, looking downright bemused at the whole situation.

"Yeah; I didn't want him to walk into the path of an oncoming car. Just a warning though, it seems like him and Magnus got in a fight or something"

Jace winced and scratched his head, his blonde hair was sticking up in all directions – it looked like he had stuck his head in a blender.

"I'm sorry about the ice-cream Jace. I'll buy you some cookies tomorrow" Alec muttered.

"Well thanks I guess. He got drunk about a year ago and as you already know, he's a horrible drunk – there's a reason why he hardly drinks" Jace shrugged, he hooked an arm underneath Alec's and hauled him up towards the door – he didn't look uncomfortable doing so, but Alec and Jace had always been close, being Parabati and all that. "I'm going to head inside and take some embarrassing video's that I can use for future blackmail purposes"

"Have fun with that, seeya" Simon called as he waved over his shoulder. He watched as Jace closed the heavy wooden door behind him, followed closely by the sound of the iron lock being engaged from the inside.

*(Intoxicated Ramblings)*

Simon put another tin of chicken broth soup in the trolley along with the numerous other items which would –hopefully- get rid of the flu Kyle had. The guy was really controlling whenever he had a cold, even to the point where Simon had to move the sofa a fraction to the left so the guy lying upon the said sofa didn't have a draft from the window wafting across his face. Seriously, he got prissy when he was sick, and Simon was willing to spend his money in order to get the normal, albeit douchebag, Kyle back.

He turned around a bumped into another person, he opened his mouth to apologise only to realise it wasn't just a random guy doing food shopping – but Alec.

Alec in turn pursed his lips "Simon" He acknowledged, he was wearing a pair of dark sunglasses which no doubt obscured the bags underneath his eyes from the outside world; and a baggy, black jacket which hung off his wiry frame "According to Jace you helped me last night, even though I hardly remember anything past that third drink – but thank you"

Simon shrugged and offered the other man a grin "No problem, I know you would have done the same for me if I was in the situation"

Alec mumbled something under his breath before grabbing a nearby pack of chocolate cookies and dumping them in the basket "I do however, remember what you said about Magnus last night-"

"This morning" Simon corrected, and Alec sent him a withering glare that made Simon chuckle. Drunk-Alec was annoying as heck but Hungover-Alec was so scathing it was hilarious.

"I remembered what you told me _this morning _so I rang Magnus once I'd sobered up and we've worked things out"

"That's good" Simon shrugged, he paused before leaning towards Alec a little more closely "Just a word of warning though, I don't know if you remember the videos"

Alec's thick eyebrows furrowed together in confusion "Videos?"

"This morning, Jace said something about getting some quality blackmail videos for future use" Simon explained. Alec visibly paled, which was quite something since he was pale to begin with, and swallowed thickly "Oh…I was wondering why him and Isabelle were laughing at something on the camcorder"

Simon wanted to laugh at the expression on his face. "Knowing Jace he'll send the videos around or something"

"I think I'm going to…" Alec trailed off and glanced around the shop before putting the basket full of food on the foor, and with an awkward wave he did an equally as awkward jog towards the exit.

"Yeah, I'd get home before he does something stupid like uploading it to YouTube. The last thing you'd want is for Magnus to see it"

Alec turned and looked at him wordlessly before bolting from the shop.


End file.
